This chainring is totally wrong
When I got home I decided to walk to Truly Spoken Cycles, a shop located only a few blocks from my house, to get the lockring removed. I’m glad I didn’t attempt to remove it myself without the proper tools because it took three people, a pair of spanners, a large metal pipe, some zip ties, some penetrating oil, and some duct tape (I kid you not) just to get the thing to budge. But we got it off and back home I went, where I removed my chain to clean it (and boy did it need it) and set about removing my chainring.